to love You from the inside out

"the art of loosing myself to bring You praise"

that makes no sense, but at the same time it's the best thing I've ever heard.
loosing myself in Jesus...
it's what I've wanted my entire life.
I've been taught how to raise my hands and close my eyes.
But that isn't worship.
That is the outline of it.
That's what everyone else sees.
But it's my choice how to give it color.

What in the world does that look like?
Loosing myself...
Isn't that what everyone is scared of?
Why kids leave home, to find themselves?
But that's what Jesus is asking us to do.
Leave ourselves behind, and follow Him.
Just trust Him.

I've been thinking about how to do that.
Let all the questions go, and let God be God.
It's taken a week to write this post.
And God is telling me things I have heard my whole life,
But never paid attention to.
And they make more sense than anything else at all.

This may sound weird, but I can kinda feel myself growing up.
Next school year, I might have to take care of myself.
Pay for my own private education.
Work at a real job for as long as they let me.
Take dual-enrollment college courses.
Save to buy my own truck.
Pay tithe.
Pay insurance for the truck.
I'm growing up, finally...

I'm kind of scared that I'll loose focus.
And get caught up in trying to be better.
And loose sight of God.
I hope not..


<3