colorful zebra print and brass knuckle bracelets

i like to wonder what people think of the world.
i know how my mind grasps it, but i always wonder how other people think.

most people tell me that it doesn't matter what others think. but...doesn't it?
i mean, companies are always changing their look to make others think it's a good product.
so...i don't know.

anyways, have you ever pushed someone out of your life because you were scared?
and you knew it was the right thing.
you knew that they were definitely worth all of your time, but they just weren't good for you?
...and you feel bad for not missing them.
i have.
i pushed someone out of my life on Monday for that very reason.
and i feel bad for not missing that person.
because i want so desperately to be there for them.
but they don't need me.
and i don't need them.

I'm not saying this person was a bad friend or a bad person.
(they were actually quite amazing, if i do say so myself.)
but...I'm trying to stop making people God.
and i tend to do that a lot.

i also need to stop wanting to be close to people.
it's good to be open and have people to talk to.
but...only God should see me when I'm desperate.
only He should know my every fiber of being.

people are always, i repeat, ALWAYS going to let you down.
so why put all that pressure on them to be your everything?

this is hard, I'll admit.
i like having friends.
but it's unhealthy how I've been relying on them to give me a purpose.
my friends don't define me.
i don't even define me.
God defines me.
it's time for me to rely completely on Him!!

friends are not a bad thing.
we can't live alone.
but don't make friends the reason for your existence.
make God the reason.
because He's the only reason you're here.

and nothing else makes sense.
nothing.

<3 <3