hey papa.

i need to say i love you.
i need to say i miss you.
but i'm confused and i can't admit it.
i can't admit why, because i don't even understand.

i know i'm being unfair.
i know you don't like this.
i wanna blame you.
i wanna blame her.

love, is never something i believed in
i push it away, all the time.
i wanna tell you about him...the one i love.
the only one i've ever loved.

i can't, though.
i'm scared of loosing him.
i've already lost you..
i pushed you away.

the classes say it's not my fault.
you and mom just fell out of love.
it's life. or maybe the lack of.
maybe i could've reconciled your differences.

maybe.
why.
how.
tell me.
what if.
no.
yes.
explain.

thoughts and questions pour out of me all the time.

how can i open up if i'm so freakin scared?

i wanna blame you.
but i won't.